The Concept of the “Gray Man”
The Gray Man.
It’s a phrase that has gained a bit of traction in some circles over the last decade or so. It gets tossed around quite a bit in some circles, having the air of something both commonly discussed but still steeped in a bit of “insider” mystique. As though we all know what it is, or should, but only the truly advanced initiate understands what it means and only the true master can pull it off. That seems a little weird to me.
I think we should start by simply defining the term. Just what is meant in the various concerned communities, typically the “tactical” and “prepper” folks, when they say “the gray man” or “going gray”? It is not about hair color, though I don’t think you could be blamed for thinking so when you first hear the term.
The gray man is commonly defined as a person, the term is gender neutral and that is how we use it here, who does not draw attention to themselves. He does not stand out in a crowd. He intentionally keeps a low profile, without seeming to be doing so on purpose. He’s “just a face in the crowd”, unremarkable and unnoticed. He is called gray because he blends into the background wherever he is, passing largely unseen through his environment.
The logical follow up question is then, why?
Being a gray man, simply put, preserves your options. By reducing the notice others take of you, including “bad actors” who might do you some kind of harm, your keep others from taking the initiative and forcing you to react to whatever it is they choose to do.
For example, lets take a violent criminal happens to be near you and is looking for a victim to mug. Once he chooses a victim, he will stalk them and act at a place and time of his choosing. His attack will be done in a way so as to maximize his chances for success. His victim will have his options reduced as close to zero as the criminal can get them.
When it comes to any of the many bad things that can happen to us in this day and age, the single best strategy is to avoid them. It does not matter if you are a 10-year-old girl or a 40-year-old ninja-warrior-operator with a dozen deployments to the various war zones around the world. Avoiding a problem, especially a violent one, is the best way to conduct yourself when you have a choice.
Of course, sometimes you will not have a choice.
And while going gray is a simple concept, it is often not easy one to put into practice. It takes some dedication, a choice to diligently follow the precepts of going gray. Happily, once the decision has been made, it can be rather painless to pursue a gray lifestyle. Like so many things in life, you just have to do it.
But where to start?
Once you understand the term and decide it is a way of going through the world that appeals to you, what do you do next? Where do you start if you really want to put this to work in your own life? How far reaching is it?
That’s where we come in.
There are three components to being a gray man.
1) Mindset
2) Behavior
3) Appearance
“All things are ready if our minds be so”
William Shakespeare, Henry V
The single most important component to living like a gray man is mindset. You have to decide, is this something I want to incorporate into my way of living? If not, great! Keep on doing you and have a great life. If so, to what degree? Will I try to be gray in every aspect of my life, or just when I am out walking around? You need to take the time to figure this out early.
Making decisions takes information. And that is where the Old Gray Man can help. We provide you with that data, through our videos and our blogs. Take advantage of them to gather information you need to make an informed decision. Get your mind right, push back the frontiers of ignorance, and make a choice.
Only then can you move on intelligently.
“Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge”
-Plato
Going the route of the gray man has much to do with how you act. I think a good argument can be made that this is a more important aspect than appearance, though the line between the two can be blurry at times.
When it comes to your public behavior, avoid extremes. What I mean by that is, chart a middle course of action when outside your home. When in any group, try to blend in. “When in Rome, do as the Romans” is a good way to think of it.
Obeying the law is a very good place to start. Law breakers tend to draw all kinds of notice, including that of the local authorities. Nothing draws attention so much as being hauled off in handcuffs. Avoid that.
In addition, watch what the people around you are doing. Stay mentally engaged, which is generally good advice whatever you do. Barring outright hazard, go with the crowd and do what they do. Unless you have a good reason not to “go with the flow”, in which case, do what you decide must be done.
Remember, behavior is a two-way information street. How you behave tells others about you. How others behave gives you information about them as an individual, but also potentially about the environment you are in. Pay attention!
“Appearance rules the world”
-Friedrich Schiller
Going gray will invariably impact how you choose to appear. Humans notice movement quickly, then they look at what they have noticed. How long a person chooses to look at what they have noticed depends on the subject’s behavior and appearance.
The first thing the vast majority of people look for when they do notice another person is a threat. Is this person I am looking at a threat to me? This assessment takes place, generally, very fast. In many cases, a person might not even notice they are doing it. If the subject of attention looks non-threatening, other assessments might be made or might not, depending on the individual, the environment, and the current circumstances.
The longer it takes to make this initial decision, the longer the subject will hold the observer’s attention. That attention can lead to any number of reactions, of course. The longer an observer’s attention is held by a subject, the more details will have a chance to impact on the observer. Time, in this circumstance, is the enemy. As details impact the observer, memories begin to form, the subject starts going from unremarkable to noticed to memorable. The gray man seeks to get off that train as soon as possible.
Remember, the vast majority of people walking the earth are not paying much attention to their surroundings. This is especially true in urban areas. Toss in cell phones and it is a wonder more people are not walking in front of busses and plummeting down cliffs. It is fairly easy to appear so bland, so normal that you just become part of the background to most other people. Since doing so is the goal of the gray man, doing what you can to use your appearance to enhance this process is the way to go.
Understand that appearance is not just clothes. It is everything about you: Your behavior, of course, but also your hair cut, your accessories, your voice and accent. All of it has a potential impact, a chance to make you more or less memorable to any observer.
As a quick example, if you are walking down a suburban street in Bakersfield, California wearing a full ACU camouflage uniform, hat, boots, a current issue military rucksack, clean shaven with a high and tight haircut, you are probably going to stand out to most passersby. However, if you do the same thing, looking the same way in Fort Bragg, North Carolina, you will not get a second look and anyone who actually does see you is probably not going to remember you.
“A man is the whole encyclopedia of facts”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Taken as a whole, the gray man’s mindset, behavior, and appearance are a costume. They are worn to enhance his role, to instill in the observer’s mind precisely what the gray man wants to instill. Namely, that the gray man is just a normal person going about their business, not worth the time and effort it might take to gain the attention of for any reason, especially if that reason is a criminal endeavor.
The trick to it all, of course, is accomplishing all this effort in such a way as to make it look effortless. There is skill and knowledge in placing such emphasis in flying below the radar, and the demands are greater on some than on others. There is a saying in backpacking circles to the effect that the more you know, the less you have to carry. Knowledge is a force multiplier, an invisible way to help you further your own agenda. If you are here and have read this far, your agenda is that of the gray man.
The Old Gray Man has been doing it for years and is ready to help you gain some skills and put them into practice. Let’s get to it!
