Behaving As A Gray Man
“Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge”
-Plato
A very key component to passing unnoticed through your environment, or being a Gray Man, is how you behave. That is, what you do and how you do it when in view of others. How you act when you are being watched, can often overcome other “anomalies” about you when it comes to being ignored. As a result, behavior is critically important to a Gray Man.
First off, obey the law. I harp on this a lot, but that is because it seems to bear repeating. Simply by doing what you are supposed to do according to the law, you will blend in much better than those who do not. Driving with the flow of traffic might be an exception, but I think I could even debate that one a bit. Regardless, if you are behaving as required by the law, you will stand a greater chance of going unnoticed and unmolested by the vast majority of people, including law enforcement. Remember, law enforcement professionals are usually actively looking for people misbehaving. Do not put yourself in that group if you can avoid it.
Arguably the most important factor of being a Gray Man is to pay attention to what is going on around you. In order to make sound, informed decisions, you need information. The best way to gather that information as you are going about your daily life is to actually perceive and process what is going on in your immediate vicinity. This will provide all kinds of benefits, not just those that are important to going gray.
It is not enough to simply wave your head around like a bad remake of the Terminator trundling down the street. You need to actually perceive the information your senses take in. Certainly, eyesight is a key part of this, but your ears and your nose can also provide critical information. For example, if you are walking and the sounds of sirens are getting louder as you move in the same direction, perhaps going back the other way might be a good idea. Likewise, if you start to smell smoke when you should not, a decision might be called for.
Information intake is critical for a Gray Man. You need to know what is going on, so that you can act accordingly. Importantly, this is true only until YOU decide to do otherwise. Remember, the idea of being a Gray Man is to preserve your options. The intent is for you to pass unnoticed, functionally invisible, so that nobody else forces you to do things you do not want to do. Should you decide you need to stop being a Gray Man and take actions with other priorities, then you want to be free to make such a decision. In short, go gray until it is time to NOT go gray.
When moving, in general you want to “go with the flow”, that is to say, act like those around you. If everyone near you is walking calmly, do not be the one person who is running at full speed. Move at a speed that generally matches most of those around you, in the same general direction as well. For my fellow military veterans, watch your gait. Many of us will drop into a 30” step without thinking much about it, squaring our shoulders and lifting our chins. Suddenly, we can find ourselves marching down the street like we are on a parade ground. That is noticeable to most folks, regardless of whether they served or not.
Wherever you are, act as though you are supposed to be there. Confidence will get you a very long way. That is not to say be aggressive, but rather do not look timid. Do not display “prey” behavior by looking like an easy victim. Do not look guilty. Do not look scared. You make actually BE all of these things, just do not behave as though you are. Move with confidence.
Keep your head up, though in general, keep your eyes about chest level on those around you. Watch the hands of others, as those are what will most readily injure you. Occasionally look up into people’s faces, but do not linger and do not stare. Let your vision slide over things around you. See them, let your brain process what you see, but again, do not stare.
Avoid being drawn into random conversations. These often stop or slow your movement, which you usually do not want to do. Conversations also tend to draw your attention onto the people in the conversation, taking it off of the area around you. They also make you more memorable, if only to the people you are talking to.
If you do choose to chat with others, just talk. Speak normally. Do not shout (unless you must in order to be heard), nor should you whisper. Speak clearly so that you will be understood and will not have to repeat yourself. If you can, use the local accent and patois. Remember, the objective is to be unnoticed. If you must be noticed, you want to be unremembered.
Do not be antagonistic to those you encounter. Live and let live should be your mantra. Do not “mean mug” other people, that is to say do not stare at others aggressively. Do not stare at all. Keep your eyes moving casually. Having a slight smile or grin on your face as a “default” setting is a good idea. Look past people, and if you make eye contact, increase your smile slightly and keep your eyes moving. If someone else treats you aggressively for any reason, ignore it if possible. Do not engage with them at all if you can avoid it. Do not behave like you are looking for a problem, do not allow anyone else to draw you into a problem if you can avoid it. Leave if you can.
If you carry a firearm for personal protection, carry it concealed. While I support the RIGHT of a person to carry a firearm openly for personal protection, I think the habitual PRACTICE of doing so is a bad idea, both tactically and from a Gray Man perspective. An unconcealed firearm is an attention getter. People can see it more easily and, once they do see it, they will tend to keep seeing it. They will follow the person with their eyes and pay attention to them much more than they would otherwise. This is only worse if the person who notices the openly carried firearm is a bad actor. Just avoid open carry if you are trying to go gray.
Avoid going to dangerous or “shady” places. If an area is known for bad actors and for bad things happening to people in that area, then simply avoid going there if you can at all do so.
A Gray Man is not out to prove anything. Being gray is not about proving any kind of a point about what you can and cannot do. Look no further than the various news reports over the year 2020. How many people were noticed and found themselves in a very, very bad situation because they deliberately went to a riot to “counter protest” or to provide medical aid or any other reason? If you are not required to be in a dangerous place, it is always best not to be there. And if the place you are suddenly becomes dangerous, leave. If the fire alarm goes off in the movie theater you are in, leave. You can always get a refund and even if you cannot, is the $10 or $20 you spent really worth risking your life over?
Do not associate with people engaged in risky behaviors. We all have that friend or relative that just does crazy, stupid stuff on a regular basis. Avoid them if you want to be a Gray Man. If you want to have a good time, perhaps a different decision is on the table, but if you want to be unnoticed choose different company. Understand that people in large groups tend to do stupid, dangerous, noticeable things more often. Do not follow your “crew” into behaviors that draw attention to you if you do not want the attention. Do not act like an idiot just because your friend or friends are doing stupid stuff.
If all else fails, just do not do stupid things. Do not involve yourself in actions that serve no purpose other than to raise your profile. You may have strong political opinions (these days, if seems like just about everyone does), but rioting and looting are not courses of action open to someone trying to go gray (see paragraph above discussing how you should obey the law). Do not dress up in black or in an American flag shirt and try to beat people up in the streets. Act like a civilized human, move along, and live your life. There are plenty of other ways to make your point without random violence.
When you are trying to be a Gray Man, your behavior is key. To the extent you can, act like those around you. The objective is to blend into the crowd, to be so innocuous that anyone who looks misses you, thinking of you as part of the background if they think of you at all. Behave as those around you behave, within reason and to the extent that it furthers your own aims and objectives. The idea is to preserve your options as long as possible, to allow you freedom of movement and decision. Behave as you are expected to behave and you will find this much, much easier. This requires some simple steps, but they are not always easy steps. Pay attention and put forth the effort and you will find it much easier to be a Gray Man.
